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Have a Lot of Sex

June 5, 2012

That’s right.  Have a lot of sex.

Oh, and welcome to the blog!  I’ll post an introduction to the blog sometime soon, but for now, let’s talk about a huge survival tool for the contrarian church planter: have a lot of sex.

A lot of Christians get tattoos of Bible verses, but for some reason I’ve never seen anyone with a tattoo of 1 Corinthians 7:3-4.  I doubt I have to remind you of what it says, but just in case:  The husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband’s needs. The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife.  My youth minister growing up paraphrased it like this: “Once you’re married you should have sex as much as possible.”  Then he added, “The only reason you should not have sex, according to the Bible, is to pray.  But it says after you pray to have sex some more.”

I’m not just saying this for the pleasure of it.  There are 2 specific benefits of having a lot of sex.

The first benefit is that it is a great stress reliever.  As a church planter you will likely experience more stress than at any point in your life.  There are many things you can and should do to relieve this stress, but one of the best things you can do is to have sex.

This isn’t just my opinion–this is science!  A study recently examined participants’ blood pressure to measure their stress while public speaking or performing challenging math problems.  The researchers found that the participants who had recently had intercourse tended to have lower baseline blood pressures, less of a blood pressure rise during stressful events, or both.  The summary I read stated: “These findings suggest that having sex can lead to less of a stress response during challenging situations, which is a good thing.”

The other benefit to having a lot of sex is the benefit to your marriage.  Consider these sobering statistics:

  • According to Christianity Today in 2011, 40% of American pastors are addicted to pornography.
  • Another study of pastors sponsored by CT found that 23% of pastors admitted some form of sexually inappropriate behavior with someone other than their wives while in the ministry.
  • Bill Mitchell states that 1-5% of all affairs in the United States involve clergy.

A few weeks ago I read yet another resignation letter from a church planter who was caught in his sin and had to confess to his church the huge error he had made.

I’m not so naïve to think that there aren’t deep issues related to affairs.  But Proverbs gives a very simple prescription to avoid an affair:

Drink water from your own well—
share your love only with your wife.  Why spill the water of your springs in the streets,
 having sex with just anyone?  You should reserve it for yourselves.  Never share it with strangers.  Let your wife be a fountain of blessing for you.
 Rejoice in the wife of your youth.  She is a loving deer, a graceful doe.
 Let her breasts satisfy you always.  May you always be captivated by her love.  Why be captivated, my son, by an immoral woman,
 or fondle the breasts of a promiscuous woman?

The Bible says the way to avoid an affair…is to have a lot of sex with your spouse!

Not only will that affair-proof your marraiage, it makes your marriage stronger. When there is sexual arousal and release, a chemical called opiates is released in your brain. Opiates means “opium like”, because there is an addicting that takes place. There is a strong bond that takes place when these chemicals are released. So during sexual arousal and release, these chemicals are being released into our brain. And that’s a wonderful thing if you’re with your spouse because it’s binding you to them. In a sense it’s addicting you to them.

I heard one pastor’s wife encourage a group of pastors’ wives: “Have sex with your husband as much as you can stand it!”  I wasn’t sure how to take that, to be honest!  But I do know that when planting a church your temptation, exhaustion, and stress will be at all time highs.  One way to help that is to have a lot of sex.

What do you think?  Would this principle help other church planters you know?

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